Oh how I've missed you dreadfully this week! My soul aches in your absence and my heart stretches across the distance, reaching out for yours. I miss your tender embrace, your friendly companionship, your quiet strength in leading our home.
When you come through the door I am going to throw myself into your arms and bury my face in your chest, then I'll hold your face in my hands and kiss every inch of you. It seems as though you've been gone centuries, even though it's only been 5 days.
When you are gone, I cannot sleep at night- my mind refuses to relax without my protector lying next to me. I jolt awake at every sound, wondering if I would be crazy to sleep with the gun next to me.
I decided to let Bella sleep outside, to serve as a deterrent and an alarm if any intruder approached the house. It sounded like the Twilight Bark from 101 Dalmatians....all the dogs in the neighborhood barked all night, as though she needed to catch up on all the nighttime canine gossip. And they did this Every. Single. Night. All. Night. Long.
Instead of bringing her inside, I just wore ear plugs. I hope our neighbors forgive me (but in my defense, everyone else's dogs were barking all night as well). I still slept with the lights on. I would never make a good military wife, with long absences a regular way of life.
All week I've had a poem in my mind. It's one of my favorites and expresses my sentiment so well.
A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say
The breath goes now, and some say, No:
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.
Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did, and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.
Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.
But we by a love so much refined,
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.
Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.
If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the other do.
And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.
My words always seem to stumble and fail me, so I stole them from John Donne. His insights and analogies are so touching and perfect.
I truly feel as though my spirit is reaching out towards yours, crossing the continent to be with you. I love the imagery of the compass in his poem- and my heart is eager to for you to draw near and return home.
I also love the analogy of the gold being beat thin, stretching to accommodate any distance without breaking. That's how I have viewed our love this week- no distance made your soul feel truly apart from me, even though I longed to hold your hand. I felt your love accompany me throughout each day.
Every day our children ask, "How much longer until Dad comes home?".
I'm happy that your business trip has been successful, yet I'm happier still at the prospect of your homecoming tonight. The hours can't pass by quickly enough and time freezes as I count down to your arrival.
I'm giddy in anticipation. Come home safely, my darling!
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