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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sherlock Holmes in the kitchen- Part 2

Matthew relays the jury vote to the judge
The courtroom was full of suspense. The judge to rule the case was selected very carefully. The children picked the most 'righteous' looking toy they could find: a white cat wearing a crown studded with pink jewels. (I suppose in the absence of judicial robes, the crown was necessary to inspire the correct level of respect and awe in the courtroom. Makes perfect sense to me.)

The prosecuting attorney had to look fierce and intimidating, so they hired a dinosaur for the task (although how a T-Rex could even reach a keyboard to type up a case is beyond me). Unfortunately for him, the T-Rex was given a girly notebook to record the case. The notebook given to the defendant's attorney was a dignified blue....and the two lawyers had fought fiercely over who would get to use that notebook. The dispute was solved with an arm-wrestling match. Poor T-Rex didn't have a chance.

The prosecuting attorney addresses the court room.
Sarah appropriated doll house desks and tables to provide the courtroom furniture for the attorneys. Matthew was in charge of making the witness stand.....so he re-purposed a lemonade stand. The judge was given the place of honor atop several couch cushions so she could properly glower down at the court.

The arguements were filled with passion and questioning was rapid-fire. In my attempt to maintain some semblance of continuity, I'm going to color-code each characters words. Here are the players:

BobJohn, the eyewitness to the crime
Sir Scruffyneck, the accused
Honorable Judge Seraphina, the judge
Doberman, the Defendant's attorney
T-Rex, the Prosecutor
Polar bear, the obligatory policeman in the court room

Polar Bear Officer: All rise for the Honorable Judge Seraphina. You may be seated.

BobJohn on the witness stand
Seraphina introduced the case and laid out the charges, then introduced the attorneys.  The prosecutor called his first witness, BobJohn.

T-Rex: BobJohn, where were you on Friday afternoon at 4:00?


BobJohn: (The voice and inflections mimic Kory's interrogation scene from the movie Jack Jack Attack.....if you can imagine that, you'll get the picture. He speaks in a luxurious, drawn out sort of way) Weeeell, I was skipping along on the kitchen counter thinking about my birthday and balloons and whether I should have blue balloons or green balloons or-


T-Rex interupts impatiently: Stick to the crime scene please!


BobJohn: I was thinking to myself when suddenly there was a flash of brown, and a ferocious growl like I've never heard before, then suddenly he was gone and all I saw was the remains of this poor horse. (He sniffles dramatically for effect.)


T-Rex: So you actually witnessed the crime. Can you identify the criminal?


BobJohn: Yes! It's that lion! (Pointing his finger emphatically and leaning part way out of the witness stand to add force to his words.)


T-Rex: There you have it. An eyewitness to the crime positively labeled Sir Scruffyneck as the perpetrator. There is no room for argument.

Now the defendant's lawyer takes a turn to cross-examine the witness. He's the Doberman with bunny ears.

Doberman: BobJohn, you say you saw the crime. How did you describe it? A quick flash of color?


BobJohn: (hesitating uncertainly) Yeeees?


Doberman: If he was moving so fast, how did you get a clear view of his face?


BobJohn: I didn't.


Doberman: (yelling in triumph) Ah HA! How could you be sure if it was Sir Scruffyneck if you didn't even see his face?


BobJohn: (Confidently) I heard his voice. He roared.


Doberman: I have here two voice recordings. Can you tell me which of these two recordings belong to the accused? (He plays the recordings.)


BobJohn: (a bit panicky) Um, well....it must be the first voice, no- I think it's the second voice!


Doberman: (assertively) Your testimony should be invalidated! You can't even tell which voice belongs to Sir Scruffyneck! Your testimony fails, sir!

Doberman jaunts confidently back to his desk while BobJohn quivers with humiliation and is led away from the witness stand. Sir Scruffyneck and Doberman give each other a high-five under the table while the prosecutor glares on. The second witness is called, and this time it is Sir Scruffyneck himself.

T-Rex: Sir Scruffyneck, where were you at 4:00 on the day in question?


Sir Scruffyneck: (trembling with fear) I....(he licks his lips) that is.....I was in.....the kitchen.


T-Rex: Ah-HA! So you admit to being on the crime scene when the victim was killed! Sir Scruffyneck, what exactly were you doing in the kitchen?


Sir Scruffyneck: (glancing around the courtroom nervously) I was.....(hangs his head with shame) I was eating.

T-Rex: There you have it! It's as good as an admission of guilt! (The jury nods in agreement and looks at each other with glee.) Your Honor, I rest my case!

Doberman rises to cross examine the witness.
Doberman: Sir Scruffyneck, what exactly were you eating in the kitchen?


Sir Scruffyneck: (whispering with shame) I ate a cookie. (The entire courtroom gasps in shock. Remember, it's exclusively staffed by carnivores. Eating a cookie is unheard of!)

Doberman: A cookie?! A cookie?!


Sir Scruffyneck: I know, I know! I'm supposed to be a carnivore, but I am vegetarian. Besides, I just adore snickerdoodle cookies! The children left some on the counter after school, and I couldn't help myself! I'm so ashamed! I know proper lions wouldn't stoop to such victuals.


Doberman: You wouldn't have any proof to back up your story, do you?


SIr Scruffyneck: I suppose we could check my whiskers and mane for crumbs.

He is inspected and it is confirmed that he does indeed have snickerdoodle crumbs adorning his face.

The prosecutor loses his temper and yells out indignantly, "You weren't satisfied with just a cookie! You had to eat something more satisfying on your way out of the kitchen, so you snacked on that horse! The crumbs mean nothing!"


The Honorable Seraphina bangs her gavel and demands order in the court, while glowering at the T-Rex until he is intimidated into silence. (Is this the first time ever that a harmless white cat has intimidated a T-Rex? Hmmm.)


T-Rex rises to present his last arguement: Members of the Jury, I wish to draw your attention to evidence A, which is the letter left on the crime scene. It is signed with an "L". What could that mean, other than "Lion"? Sir Scruffyneck left his own evidence that he is the criminal!


Doberman: Jury members. I ask you: when you sign a letter, do you sign it with your name or your species? I know o f no one that signs a letter, "sincerely, Human". A letter written by Sir Scruffyneck would be signed "S.S." or "Sir Scruffyneck", not a pathetic "L". This evidence fails to conclusively point blame on my client.


Time was up in court (actually, dinner needed to come out of the oven, so I needed to wrap things up in the court room). It was time for the closing arguments.

Doberman: (Spoken with feeling) your Honor, my client is vegetarian! He wouldn't eat that horse on a matter of principle! He was merely an unlucky bystander when the crime was committed. Besides, we have only one eyewitness to this crime. Even the scriptures say out of the mouth of two or three witness shall all things be established. I argue that one witness, especially one with such a vague testimony, is not enough to convict my client for a crime. There was no evidence collected at the scene that could incriminate my client, so the only thing compromising his claim to innocence is this one testimony. I suspect the entire thing was mad eup and BobJohn FRAMED Sir Scruffyneck!

The courtroom erupted in confusion. BobJohn's high-pitched voice protested at such a terrible statement. Sir Scruffy neck was loudly affirming his innocence with several 'I-Told-You-So's while his attorney danced with glee around his desk. The jury exclaimed loudly.

Sarah said, "What?! What about the note! Who is this 'L' person if it's not the lion?" Matthew laughed and waved his hand at a large bucket of plastic animals, saying, "It could be a name, like Lincoln! And we haven't even NAMED all those animals! Looks like we've got a lot of work to do tonight!"

 Amidst this confusion, BobJohn stole quietly down the aisle and vacated the courtroom. (Actually, he was kicked under the rug accidentally in all the hubbub.) His absence was not even noticed. The jury left the room to confer and decide Sir Scruffyneck's verdict. They solemnly proclaimed him innocent, and Sir Scruffyneck giggled with relief, thanking everyone for believing him.

Matthew interrupted the happy congratulations to ask with gravity, "But if it's not Sir Scruffyneck, who DID it? BobJohn must have framed him after all! Hey! Where is BobJohn?! Oh NO! He escaped to Brazil!"

Too bad for us. That's outside of our jurisdiction. The best we could do is make "wanted" posters to put up around the police station....er, house, that is.

The next morning the children woke extra early to search for BobJohn.

BobJohn was found hiding undercover (literally, since he was under the rug) and the children triumphantly paraded him through the house. They begged me to do a quick court case before school so they could have peace of mind knowing BobJohn was safely behind bars.

 I obliged with a 15 minute court case wherein BobJohn inadvertently confessed to the crime while attempting to weave a story of lies.

Matthew gleefully threw BobJohn into a metal prison where he languished for a week and wasn't allowed to play with anyone. Matt said, "I think a week is a long long time. That's long enough for a murderer, isn't it?"

1 comment:

Shelley Bowman said...

You are so creative! What a fun mom!