I'm ready to sell our three year-old son. Anyone interested? I'll even give him away for free.
My day yesterday cannot be adequately written, but the stresses were so overwhelming that I tearfully called Nate at work and officially declared my resignation from motherhood for the rest of the day. My sweet little boy has been a veritable demon this week.
Everybody writes on their blogs about how perfect life is going, or what grand adventures they are having, and there is never (or very seldom) any mention of life's struggles that we all have. I feel overwhelmed with my classes with major papers, presentations, experiments, and tests all due within 3 days of each other. My house is a disaster because I've been studying so much and neglecting the cleaning, and we have company coming over tonight and Sarah's birthday party tomorrow. Next week we have 35 guests coming over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I need to prepare for that. Daniel is the last straw for me.
I spent the majority of the day yesterday doing things specifically for him, since I thought he might be acting out in a way to express his need for more attention(even though he gets much more individual attention than anyone else in the family). We went to a large indoor playground, had lunch together at a restaurant, and went to the library. His love language must not be quality time, because yesterday his behavior was so much more terrible than he's ever been. I'm not interested in going in public with him anymore....I'd much rather do without than take him to the store with me again. I"m just done. I felt like this must have been some cruel joke, with a candid camera lurking around the corner.
I coach the junior division of Math club after school on Thursdays, and Daniel was so noisy and obnoxious that the fourth grade team asked, "Do you EVER shut that mouth?", "Do you ever sit still?", "Why does he think he can touch EVERYTHING?", "Don't you LISTEN?". Sadly, the answer is no, no, no, and no.
Matthew came up to me last night and expressed his frustration about Daniel (Daniel physically bullies Matthew nonstop, steals his special things and breaks them, and taunts him constantly, trying to provoke an angry response). Daniel had stolen and lost Matthew's new toy from school. Matthew sighed heavily and said, "We should just give him away."
I keep reminding myself that this is just a phase he's going through. I remind myself that his sweet attributes are still there, hiding under the crust of bad choices.Ever watch those nanny reality TV shows? My son would fit right in with all those children, and it seems like it must be my fault. Doesn't this behavior show a lack in parenting? I'm beginning to doubt myself, as if perhaps going to nursing school is taking too much of a toll on my family. I feel lost today.
4 comments:
Oh Renae, I know how you feel. Good luck and thanks for honesty on your blog. Makes me feel like less of a failure to know we all have those times ;)
Hmm, you only have one like that huh?
Well I will trade! I have 3 lovely little terrors. But- I don't want to trade the nursing school 5,000 thanksgiving guests, volunteering at math club, painting great cathedrals, and saving the world stuff. You can keep all of those trials!! On second thought you better send Daniel to my house- his whirlwind would go unnoticed in our constant state of chaos. I think you already have enough on your plate :)
Hang in there....It's a phase....All kids go through it, we (thankfully) just forget about those things until the next child comes along. He's just testing his limits and trying to express independence. You're an awesome mother and give all of your kids so much time, worry, and effort. They are so blessed to have you. Hang in there. This too shall pass....
(And hopefully everyone will be well so preschool won't get cancelled anymore...)
*hugs* He;ll be back to normal when he's 4, it won't be forever and he'll be out of this phase before you know it...or a few gray hairs later! I totally feel for you though,Paisley's insane and she just turned 3, I've got a long ways to go still!
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