Muddled Updates

When I read over my previous blog posts from last month, I realized how empty it sounds. I don't share much of the interesting details of our life because I always feel like there must be a photograph to accompany each post. I'm too busy to snag my camera for pics of each neat experience, then upload the pics and edit them. So. Here are some thoughts on my mind, with no photo to capture the moment. (Other than these pictures of Sarah that have nothing to do with the blog content. She's just cute, that's all.)

I absolutely love swinging on our tire swing under our big oak trees with my baby in my lap. We lie back together and gaze upwards into the stretching branches of the tree above us, pointing out bird nests in the process of being built or squirrels playing tag among the leaves. It's beautiful, peaceful, and it feeds my soul. The slow movement of the swing is hypnotic and we sway back and forth listening to cheerful birdsongs over our heads. I wish you could experience it. My heart is so content on afternoons like this. I try to capture the moment forever, closing my eyes and memorizing the smell of Diego's skin as he nuzzles against my cheek and the sound of leaves dancing in the breeze. 

Last weekend our family drove through the scenic hill country to reach Sweetberry Farm, where we spent the afternoon picking baskets of strawberries. We spent hours playing and harvesting together. Diego became an expert at picking the prettiest ones and popping them into his mouth. His face and hands were covered in red berry juice when we left. My sweetheart and I spent hours washing, sorting, and slicing fruit to dehydrate. Our dehydrator ran all weekend, filling the house with the delicious aroma of ripe strawberries. The smell was so powerful I expected the air to look pink! 

We had a lovely trip last weekend to Louisiana. This is our first time really visiting Louisiana (because passing through on a road trip doesn't count, you see). Nathan's parents live there in an enchanting house built in the 1930's, which is SO fun to explore. My heart loves old buildings, and I delight in imagining the lives and stories of the people who lived there long ago. The entire neighborhood was picturesque with historic buildings as far as I could see. I loved it! We ate gumbo for the first time (and would you believe it? it's delicious!) and crawfish (well, only Nathan ate crawfish. I'm not a fan of anything that looks like insects, thank you very much.) Our family enjoyed the visit and left rejuvenated and inspired. I love being around people who feed my soul.

Have I mentioned we started selling eggs this month? We deliver eggs to the nearest town twice each month. There is a food co-op there that buys everything our hens can produce. We just received a shipment of plain egg cartons to sell our eggs in, so whenever I get time (right...there's a good joke!) I can design our family label for our product. It's kind of fun to finally sell our eggs in our own cartons rather than reusing mismatched store brand cartons. It's very satisfying.

I do feel more and more like a 'farmers wife' the longer we live here. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I do feel so strongly about the importance of being self-reliant and producing our own food, but it's not glamorous one bit. It's easy to romanticize the 'simple life' idealized by country living, but it's really not simple at all. It's much more work than city-living was, and mucking about in dirt or manure is not very feminine. I spend so much time working that I don't really care anymore whether I have makeup on or whether my hair looks nice. (Why put on makeup when the only creatures likely to see me are the chickens? Not happening.) When friends stop by for a visit, they see the unadorned me, wearing plain working clothes.At first I felt the sting of humility when I greeted them at the door. Now I find that it really doesn't matter. I am feeling much more confident and comfortable in my own skin. 

I've been teaching Sarah and Matthew how to knit on a knitting loom this month. Matthew in particular really enjoys this activity and has been busily making a blue hat. He is so proud of his work and spends hours happily working on it. I enjoy watching them learn new talents. 

I've been busy planting lots of veggies for our garden. We have lots of plants growing right now: lettuces, spinach, pumpkin, squash, basil, carrots, peas, beans, beets, onions, etc. We'll see if any of them last long enough to harvest. We keep having animals eat them. Last week my goats figured out how to open the garden gate, and they partied like there was no tomorrow. They ate everything in sight and trampled the rest. I had the /delightful/ task to replanting my entire garden that afternoon. That was the day I bought an electric fence. 

Even with drawbacks like that, life is good. Really good. There are certainly mundane things about it, but it's a life still full of joy (even when I muck out the chicken coop I feel joy. Seriously.) I am filled with overwhelming gratitude to the Lord for the life I live. I'm thankful for our property and home and don't mind the loads of work it requires.  I am surrounded with beauty and that feeds my spirit. I try each day to reach out in service to others, and I am happy. I have been pondering this thought- material goods do not bring true joy....real joy is found in doing what is right in the sight of God. It's so true. My happiest days are when I forget myself and serve someone else. 

I hope you feel joy today. Life is too short to live without it. 

Random Happy Thoughts

Each time our sheriff's deputy passes our house, he beeps his sirens for a friendly 'hello!' that I can hear anywhere in the house. At first I didn't notice this, but he cheerfully pointed it out to me one week in church. It brightens my day to see him beep and wave as he passes by.

We shared some home made jam with a neighbor recently, so today she brought a bag of fresh pecans from her tree. I love simple tokens of love like this! Our family sat around the kitchen table cracking pecans and chatting for hours last weekend.

This year I am sewing fabric bags to use instead of gift-wrap paper. I wanted to go more 'green' with our annual celebrations. The biggest reason I'm doing this is that I have oodles of pretty fabric given to me and I couldn't think of what to do with it. Ta-Da! Gift wrap bags were a perfect solution! They are so easy to whip up so I get the satisfaction of instant gratification instead of laboring over a drawn-out tedious project (like the fort I'm sewing our kids for Christmas). It's also been a great opportunity for Sarah and Matthew to practice their sewing skills. It's almost impossible to mess these little bags up.

Diego does a quick little dance anytime he's excited about something. He'll bring me a water bottle  then dance in anticipation while I open it for him. I love it! He looks like a chubby puppy wagging his tail!

Today apple crisp is bubbling away in the oven for our after-school snack, potato soup is simmering on the stove for dinner, and yeasty rolls are rising on the counter. I've sewn gifts, written letters to family, played with our baby a LOT, and cleaned house. I've also stayed in bright blue polka-dot pajamas all day. I look like a poster child for 'white trash' but I've had SUCH a wonderful day!

Daniel builds snakes and snake houses with play dough

I hope your day is beautiful!

Random Thoughts- Monkeys, Perfume and Seeds

A beautiful quiet moment

One of my life dreams has always been to play with a real monkey. Aren't they so captivating? 

I finally had a chance to hold a Capuchin monkey last week at one of my face-painting gigs. It was a circus-themed party and one of the entertainers was a clown with a trained monkey. It was SO interesting to let him climb on me and wrap his tail around my neck. She instructed the monkey to kiss me, so I presented my cheek... but he kissed me on the lips! Yikees! Who knows where those lips have been?! (And he used his tongue.....yuckers. Monkey slobber on my mouth is not appealing) Even with the unexpected 'surprises', I still relished the interaction. It was magical for me.

Remember our recent experience with a cat flea bath? Some product developer wasn't very bright. The flea shampoo we used must be 99% perfume. Poor Saffron smells like old grandma perfume (and his bath was four days ago! He still reeks!). You know....the really nasty kind of overly-floral perfume that stings your nostrils and makes you cough. I can smell him from 10 feet away. We smell his arrival into a room the instant he enters our space. I feel really bad for him. What kind of person loads animal products with perfume? Don't they know how sensitive animal olfactory glands are? I'll be amazed if Saffron has ANY sense of smell after this week. 

I'm planting seeds this week! I have several seed flats lined up and ready to welcome little vegetable seeds. I'm using plastic storage totes (the big flat kind that fit under the bed) for seedling flats. In our city house I used to store seasonal items under every bed. I can't handle having anything under the beds in our country house. I am too paranoid about insects hiding behind the totes. (I'm kind of OCD now about keeping the space under each bed EMPTY, just so I have peace of mind.) 

Instead of throwing those totes away, I now have a ready supply of seedling flats to use all year. This week we're planting peas, lettuce, and spinach. By the way, I discovered Malabar Spinach this year (technically it's not spinach, it's a tropical vine that tastes just like spinach)....it sounds like a 'miracle' plant for hot humid areas like ours. It's supposed to produce greens ALL SUMMER LONG! (This is virtually unheard of in Texas...it's too hot for Spinach to grow for 6 months of each year.) And it's a perennial! I can hardly contain my excitement. (Look it up if you are a Texas gardener! You might LOVE it!)

Random thoughts- history and bribery

I love history. I'm so excited to teach it to my kids in a way that excites the imagination.

This week I started teaching an Oregon Trail unit to our home school co-op. I'm stoked. This is my favorite unit study for history. We are doing an Oregon Trail simulation where the children all have imaginary wagons and families to travel with. They are keeping 'journals' to record their journey; these will be turned into story books at the end of the semester. This week they all bought supplies from my general store to outfit their wagons and today they will leave Independance, Missouri to begin their journey. Along the trail there are differenct scenarios they encounter and they have to figure out what they will do (for example, the water is contaminated with larvae....what will they do about that? Will they trade with this Native American tribe or not?) Nathan pointed out that  it's basically an RPG like Dungeons and Dragons....except instead of being elves, they are pioneers....and instead of fighting trolls, they're trading with Native Americans. It doesn't sound as gripping somehow.

I wore my historical reenactment dress from our days of volunteering at the Pioneer Farms museum. (Can I just say here that I think corsets were never  intended for breast-feeding mamas? Yikees.) The kids were delighted. (I was happy for an excuse to wear the darn dress. It took forever to make, so by golly, I'm going to wear it any chance I get!)

Earlier this week my house was so cluttered. I get so tired of clutter....it seems to suck the energy out of my body in a parasitcal way I can't control until the clutter is annihilated. I told the children we were going to clean for 2 hours. I wrote every chore I could think of on slips of paper, then we dividing into teams. Each team drew out 15 slips of paper to tackle, then we raced to see which team could finish first. They did it without any whining! 

Okay, before you hand me the mother-of-the-year award (which I would promptly misplace anyway) I should confess I bribed them. We played for high stakes this week with full sized Snickers bars awarded to the winning team. It was a very close finish after hours of mopping, scrubbing, sweeping, and vacuuming. It actually ended up being a tie, so the consolation prizes were abolished and the kids cut the Snickers bars into equal portions to share. They were delighted (we don't usually have junk food in the house, so it's a big deal to get a candy bar).  I'm just happy my house is clean. 

10 Things You Might Like to Know

1- Living with dial-up internet is frustrating. There's not much else offered in our neck of the woods (unless we want to pay $500 to install satellite internet, but it's not a much faster connection than dial-up, so why bother?). It takes literally 2 minutes to load anything I click on. If the webpage has a picture, my computer will take around 5 minutes to load the page. If there's multiple pictures, it's best to forget about that webpage altogether. Facebook doesn't really work here.

2- Matthew loves to play 'chicken' with our rooster, Pavarroti (by the way, I found out this rooster really IS Italian! Minorca birds come from an island off the coast of Italy. Cool, eh what?). Matthew will crouch down and crow at Pavarotti, who will then crow back. They'll have a vocal battle of sorts, crowing back and forth louder and louder until the rooster can't stand it anymore. He'll makes his feathers stand on end and charge right at Matthew, who laughs and runs away squealing. Last week Matthew ran shrieking past my bedroom window. Along the bottom edge of my window all I could see of the rooster was a bright red comb streaking by. Good times.

3- Yesterday the boys discovered that if they sit on the tire swing the rooster can't reach them. It's hilarious to watch the rooster dance around the swing trying futilely to peck the boys. The boys tease Pavarroti almost everyday now.

4- I finished another painting last night. There's good news and bad news. Good news: It's a study of Renoir's techniques and I discovered I love dry-brushing the canvas. More good news: I think it's the best painting I've ever done to date. Bad news: it's going to be given away this Christmas. It'll be hard to see it go. Sarah begged me to keep this one and give away an earlier painting....but I think it's better to give away my best work to the people I love rather than a second-rate item.

5- I LOVE this time of year with all the holidays. I play Christmas music every day and Sarah plays the MoTab Christmas Album everyday in her room. The house feels so delightful with the strains of music praising our Savior filling our walls. I love it.

6- Sarah's birthday is this weekend. It's on a magical day: 11-11-2011. We are having her friends come over for a Glittery Girls' Night. We're doing manicures, make-overs, and applying glitter liberally on everything. We're making jewelry for the party favors. She wants trifle for her birthday cake and we're doing a tea party. I can't believe my baby girl is growing so fast! I miss holding her in my arms and cuddling with her soft cheeks.

7- I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet.....usually I'm FINISHED with our Christmas shopping before summer even starts. This year the pregnancy and our move kind of threw off my groove. Surprisingly I don't feel stressed at all in this regard.

8- We try really hard to have a modest yet meaningful gift exchange and keep the focus of Christmas on our Savior, not on 'stuff'. This year we adopted a poem to guide our gift giving to our children: Something they WANT, something they NEED, something to WEAR, and something to READ. Four gifts and a stocking of treats and trinkets. Sounds good to me.

9- Our children are already asking if we're doing a Bethlehem dinner again this year. Every other year we do a biblical dinner by candlelight (flat breads, baked fish with rice, dates and raisins, savory yogurt dishes, cheese and olives, etc.) While we eat, I tell the Christmas story in a way that invites the children to imagine the story better. Just imagine Joseph's burden of responsibility as he searches for shelter, or imagine Mary having contractions during the long journey. We usually do this on Christmas Eve for a reverent way to end the night.

10- Yesterday Matthew volunteered to help Daniel unload the dishwasher. They danced and sang while they worked. It was so cute. I'm so happy to glimpse these fleeting moments of their childhood.

Random Thoughts

Daniel has found another treasure to add to his Nature Collection: snakeskins. He's so pleased, it might as well be pirate gold. His bookshelf is full of treasures: polished rocks, rabbit fur, pretty feathers, and antlers.

Our cat Saffron is such an avid hunter we have to lock him out of our rooms at night if we hope to get any sleep. If he's in our room, he sits at the foot of the bed, watching and waiting for one of us to inadvertantly twitch in our sleep. As soon as that happens, he's all claws and teeth, killing his prey. It's pretty funny. He tries to eat anything that moves.

We decorated for Halloween early. It's Nathan's favorite holiday. We choose to decorate only with 'harvest' themed decor....no ghosts, skeletons, witches, etc. We have cheerful pumpkins, scarecrows, and leafy garlands draped on the mantles and hutches. It's delightful.

We rode bikes yesterday on our long driveway so Matthew could practice riding without training wheels. It was beautiful. The sun was setting, crickets were singing, and bats hovered above us. There wasn't any sound of traffic or any sign of people. It was so peaceful.

Matthew has a very strong spirit. He fell over and over again, but promptly tried again each time. He laughed exultantly any time he traveled more than 10 feet without falling. He really conquers challenges well when he puts his mind to it. Nathan and I were both impressed with his determination.

That evening Matthew made my bed and left a handmade thank-you note on my pillow. It said, "Thank you for helping me ride my bike. I love you."

Priorities

Our family art project this week. The windows are full of hearts!

I've been absent a lot from this blog lately. I've found an interesting phenomena happening this past month. My heart has been changing in so many ways. I think they are changing for the better.

I've kept a printed copy of this talk about priorities in my bathroom for a long time. I would read it and think about it each time I visited the bathroom (which honestly, happens a LOT with this pregnancy). I've also had a copy of this talk about motherhood in there as well. Since I spend a lot of time there each day (I think I would win an Olympic event for the highest number of bathroom trips each night!), I've been getting very acquainted with the gems of wisdom on those pages.

I've asked myself a lot of searching and sometimes difficult questions. What are my true priorities? What do I spend most of my time doing? Am I using my time to focus on my real goals, or is most of my time being wasted on petty distractions? I was disappointed to discover that most of my time was spent on things that don't really matter. (This is one of the reasons why I haven't been blogging much lately.)

I've found out several things about myself this month, and I've made some tough choices that I hope will improve my time management and realign myself to my most important goals.

One of these regards face painting. Remember this post when I wished I could focus everything on aggressively pursuing a body art career? I used to feel so competitive in that market. There was a frantic feeling within me, that I HAD to go to more festivals or I was missing big chances to earn a lot of money. I was constantly thinking about how to get more business. I realized that I was not focusing on my family as much as I should. Prime face painting gigs are always on weekends and holidays- which is the prime family time. I realized that I was missing the opportunity to create life-long memories with my own children just so I could make a buck or two. It sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it? I thought so.

I don't really care for the face painting gigs anymore. IF I want to do them, I do. But I no longer feel obligated to accept every job that comes my way or actively promote myself or seek work. I'd honestly rather be with my own kids. It's funny- I was hired to work for the state governor's inauguration party last month. It's the biggest event of the year with 10,000 servings of free 5-star BBQ to the public (remember, this is Texas- nothing important happens without BBQ) and prestigious clientèle (who wouldn't love to pass around your name to the state's Senate members and top politicians?). My agent told me it was a big deal to be picked to work for this gig. Honestly- I didn't even want to go. Not a bit. I didn't care how much they were paying me. Isn't that an odd reversal from my feelings a few months ago?

As I've prayed about my true priorities, surprising things have changed. I haven't even read a book yet this year- I feel like there are so many other more important things to delight in. I've started focusing more on helping others, teaching my children the principles of good character, developing my own faith and testimony more, and delighting in family time more fully. I've felt much happier than I have in a while (although, it was really hard to feel cheerful during the 3 months of my hyperemesis...that may have something to do with it!).
I feel more energized and positive as I focus on what really matters. 

Sarah reinventing hopscotch this morning. 

I'm really looking forward to Valentine's Day. The Lovers' Holiday is also my anniversary. It will also be the 20-week mark of the pregnancy: we're halfway done! We also get to find out what gender our baby is (even though Nathan and I already think we know what to expect. If we're wrong, it will really throw me for a loop!)

Tonight my lover and I are going on an early Valentine's date. We're enjoying dinner (if it's my pick tonight, we'll eat some nice Indian food. But I always pick the same cuisine- maybe it's Nate's turn to decide.) then we're going to Latin dance lessons followed by dancing. Doesn't it sound lovely? Actually, I don't really care what we do. Whenever I get to spend time with my darling, I'm happy. Some of my favorite dates were just walks along a lake enjoying the sunset and chatting. Everything is wonderful when I'm with him!

Make today Worth Remembering

Matthew makes a jungle backdrop for a puppet show.

“You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make today worth remembering.”

-Harold Hill from the Music Man

………………………………………………………….

This week is crazy.

Crazy busy.

So I thought I would share this quote… because it is exactly what I need to hear.

What is really important isn’t crazy or complicated.

It’s stopping to hear what my kids have to say.  It’s remembering to appreciate the little moments.  It’s knowing that it’s the little moments I’ll always remember.  Not the long list of things I have to do. I can never remember my list long enough to get it done anyway.

So today, even though I feel stressed and overwhelmed,  I promise I will take a little time to sit with the kids and read a fun book.  I’ll take the time to tell them more bedtime stories about Reepicheep, our made-up hero mouse.  I will strike up a good tickle-war just to hear Matthew's outrageous and contagious laughter. 

I’ll make today worth remembering.

Greatest compliments

Last week was a wonderful week. My brother and his family were moving to San Antonio from Wisconsin, and they stayed one night with us along their way. It was such a treat to see my brother and his sweet wife! That same night, two college students from Estonia knocked on our door asking for a place to stay for the night. We had a delightfully packed house. Philip's family was in Rachael's room, so Rachael slept on the couch downstairs, and the two Estonian girls (Lena and Marike) slept on the floor on air mattresses.

 I had been praying for meaningful ways to serve lately, and I feel like Lena and Marike were the answer to that hopeful prayer. They had no lodging (what sort of business takes foreign exchange students and drops them off to do door-to-door sales without even arranging lodging? Only a bad one.) so we had them stay with us for a few days while they figured things out. They were in a pretty bad spot with this job, so we gave them ideas for other employment and tried to help them.

It was hard for me to watch their distress and exhaustion. It was so very difficult for them to decide whether to stay with this job or try their luck at something better. I realized what an incredible blessing it is for me to know that I can pray and ask God if my decision is really what is best for me, and He will answer. It gives me such peace to know that I can let God direct my path, and I will be happy. When Nathan and I consider any job offer, or career change, we always ponder it and ask God if it is right. I realized this week that I've never stressed about decisions like that....I receive incredible confidence from God's affirmations. I think I had taken for granted how priceless it is to have open access to the world's best advisor in all my decisions in life. 

 Our children thought it was an extended party to have visitors who weren't extended family members. I found myself caring very much about these ladies, and I wanted so badly to help them see themselves as priceless and beautiful daughters of God. I prayed so much that our home would be a blessing to them, that they would feel the peace of the Spirit and the love encircling them. That is my goal always....to have my home be a haven of peace in this tumultuous world. I try very hard to help our home have a distinct warmth and joy. It's hard for me to gauge how well I am doing with creating a spiritual atmosphere, so I asked the girls how they felt in our home. They had been talking about it every day and were eager to share their thoughts.
These are some of the greatest compliments I've ever been given:

"It's like a fairy-tale Christmas story....seeing you do family prayer together is amazing. You are like the perfect family." (of course I protested at this...we have a lot of problems just like anyone else)

"It's so different and so cultured in this home, I love all the books, and art, and music. I feel like I was broken emotionally and depressed when I arrived at your home, and I feel like you just fixed me and built me up and gave me so much joy. "

"I've never been in a house like this. It's the most wonderful place, like it's warm and peaceful."

"You have such a happy family and I want my family to be like yours. You're home is so welcoming and happy and so different than any other house I've been in. I never want to leave."


They had asked for help from their managers, so they were assigned a spot in a new host family. We were actually sad to see them go. I cared for them so much, so we invited them to come back again for a week in September. The children were very sad to see Marike go, and they all trailed her outside to hug her good-bye and ask her to come visit again.

When they left, I gave them a copy of some calligraphy I had designed a couple years ago. It has the Beatitudes from President Gordon B. Hinckley. I explained how it reminds me how to live a happy life, no matter what situation I find myself in. I wanted so much to give them a copy of his book, Way to Be, but I had loaned my book out to someone and it wasn't ever returned. Perhaps I can procure a copy of it before I see them again. 

I 

Delights of summer

Here is our weekend in review:

We did a  family field trip to the Austin Nature and Science center and traded in our 'treasures' from nature with the Naturalist's Desk. Matthew redeemed his points for a new deer antler and a cow tibia bone. He's immensely proud of it because it looks like a caveman's club. Sarah is saving her points so she can eventually turn them in for a full cow skull. Yikes. We headed over to play in the fossil pits.

I love seeing little tiny toes playing in warm sand.

Even my sister Rachael had a turn.

We enjoyed a picnic in the shade before heading out into the heat again to explore the zoo.

The children were drawn to the little stream we passed over, so we stopped to splash our feet in the cool water.

Daniel ended up falling in the 2-foot deep part in the quick currant. The algae-coated rocks were too slippery for him to get a good foot hold and he fell back in several times. There was a bit of panic and drama as his shoes started to float away in the currant, but Matthew leaped to the rescue and all was well.

We enjoyed a wonderful summer party at Marti Gaye's home, who was a MOPS mentor for us last year. She is one of those friends that is a real gem. Her home was a perfect 'grandmother' home, and the children begged to stay forever. There was a large playscape, swings, sandbox, and a HUGE backyard for running. 

She set up 3 slip-n-slides in the backyard, which were a highlight.

She also let the children each make a pizza for lunch. The table was spread with all the toppings and they had so much fun building custom pizzas.

As if this wasn't all wonderful enough, she took the children over to her neighbor's house to play in the magical backyard. There we discovered a collection of tire swings, a zip line, fountains, and a  carousel of all things. There was also a bubble machine filling the yard with floating bubbles. The yard was dotted with antiques from zoos and colored glass balls. The music from the carousel added to the surreal atmosphere. The entire backyard was just so magical; the perfect place to have a childhood adventure hunting for fairies. The children were delighted and exclaimed that they've never seen a personal-sized carnival before. 

I remember drinking out of these fountains in my childhood at the Hogle Zoo. It was so strange to see it in a backyard.

The zip line was a favorite, and Marti was so sweet to help the children over and over again. 

Good Things to Come

I've been feeling overwhelmed this past week.

Part of this is due to my heath. Once again my old companion the migraine has rejoined me. I spent two long days confined to my bed, wracked with pain so intense that I was rendered nauseous and incoherent. The pain was so consuming and powerful that I couldn't even comprehend what my children were saying to me. I admit, that is a frightening situation....like literally losing one's mind. When the pain subsided at the end of the day, my children recalled conversations they had had with me earlier in the day. I had been awake, but held no recollection of our interactions. I'm so very thankful that my sister was here to step in and take over the house those days. I don't know what I would have done without her. The days this week that haven't been destroyed with migraines have been still plagued by constant headaches, just not the completely debilitating sort. I used to get migraines frequently, but it's been a few months since the last one.

I have really enjoyed the long absence of this old acquaintance, and I give it no warm welcome, yet there is always a positive outcome of each of these interludes. During the pain, my spirit feels intolerably trapped in a defective shell, and my deepest desire is simply to escape...to set my spirit free from the pain. After the episode subsides, it leaves me contemplating my life and the gift of my body. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I even have a body, no matter it's weaknesses. I feel a renewed wonder at what a marvelous creation each body is. I think about what it would be like to be without a body; to be only a spirit without power to embrace those I love. I am always left with a deep desire to hug and hold my children, and relish the feel of their warm bodies wrapped in my arms, and smell their hair and touch their soft skin, and shower their faces with kisses. I am also left with a heightened desire to use my body to accomplish good things; to work while I am able and not waste time distracted with meaningless diversions.

Medicine does not help ease my pain, and many times just makes things worse by adding side effects without reducing the severity of the migraine. As a result, I've had dozens of faith-building experiences that have cemented my testimony of the power of the priesthood. Man's knowledge of medicine cannot bring me relief, but a priesthood blessing can. There have been many times where the pain and all symptoms where completely gone literally less than 5 minutes after I was administered a blessing. In one powerful blessing, I was counseled to bear this affliction with patience because the Lord had chosen this trial for me so I could learn from it. I have learned a lot about so many things, but it's the type of learning that fails to be adequately captured in words. All I can really say is that it really has blessed me and forced me to refine my stubborn soul in ways that perhaps wouldn't have happened in any other avenue of my life.

I keep trying to learn whatever I can from this affliction. I figured if I can glean knowledge quickly enough from this trial and grow from it, then perhaps the Lord will stop sending me the same lesson. I must be a slow student.

This video is what has helped me keep optimistic this week.

Ugly Duckling

Do you ever question yourself and feel like the 'ugly duckling'?

I suspect most of us have moments where we doubt ourselves or question our abilities. 
 I stumbled across an uplifting message this morning. 
It lifted my spirits.
I hope you feel strengthened and loved as you watch it here.

Charles Dickens

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I gave into an overwhelming hunger to dive into a Dickens book. He's one of my favorite authors. His works are replete with rich linguistic art and I adore the magical way he paints a picture with words. I love secluding myself with his books so much! I think of the line, "One is never lonely with a good book in his pocket". 

I scoured the bookshelves looking for a work I hadn't read recently. The only book I could find that wasn't fresh on my mind  was "A Tale of Two Cities". Fantastic, I thought. A great classic. I loaded a plate with crackers, cheeses, and sliced ham and brought a handful of old-fashioned gingersnaps with me up to my room. I always read late-night books on my bathroom floor so I don't bother Nathan with the light from the bedside lamp. So I settled on the tile with my stash of munchies and eagerly opened the book.

What a disappointment. This wasn't Dickens! This was an abridged monstrosity! How could this even be allowed to be published? Abridging a Charles Dickens book means the editor rips away all the rich descriptions to leave behind a stale plot line devoid of creativity. How was this even in my house? I remember that someone gave it to me a long time ago.  I was so disappointed that libraries aren't open 24/7. I desired to drive there right away and secure the REAL tale, even at midnight. I was left feeling even more hungry for a classic tale to enjoy.

Nathan's Poetry

For my modest Love....

In reverence, reflecting a diffident flower

does th' artist exalt in his zeal?

Does praising perfection from hour to hour

embolden a beauty unreal?

As life-loving lilies grow softer and brighter

than canvas can hope to compare;

so words, warmly formed, make the Love of the writer

not lovelier,

 only aware.

Nathan is often wooing me with poetry. I love it. Words can be so beautiful, and I feel like a fairytale princess when he writes verses for me. It is so romantic and singularly meaningful. Penned words will never wilt like bouquets, and never be fully consumed like chocolates. I'm so thankful that I'll have these words immortally stored in books for our posterity, so they'll never doubt the deep love Nathan and I held for each other. 

My favorite part of this is when I get to use his quotes in conversation. "As a great poet once said...."

 Delightful.

May 6

My day in pictures. Some are courtesy of Daniel.

I decided that I needed to get rid of my mantelpiece....I've had the same decorations up since the first of December.

What can I say? I love the Christmas season and I grasp on to the last remnant of decor and let it linger....for months. I finally decided to welcome Spring into the home with flowers. Who doesn't love fresh flowers on the table? It's so cheerful and colorful. The downside is the expense for fresh flowers each week. I'm too thrifty to justify that regular expense, so this week I bought silk flowers that won't wilt as the weeks pass. Floral arranging is definitely NOT my forte. I snuck a look through a book on floral arranging and selected two arrangements I liked, then I just copied them.

Instant cheer added to any room. I love it.

This one is my favorite. 

I lost Daniel in my own house. I realized I hadn't heard him playing for a while. I checked the bedrooms for him, and couldn't find him. I checked again, calling his name, and couldn't find him. Feeling frantic, I ran through the entire house one last time, calling him. I found this: 

Funny. I promise I didn't pose him like this. He was sound asleep under all of the couch cushions with this book by his feet.

When he woke up, he begged me to let him play with my hair. There's no cuter hairdresser than this, I'm sure of it.

Matthew really wanted to go spend his birthday money at the bookstore. He remembered a book he liked on a trip months ago. I was surprised he remembered. We looked high and low for the book, even though I explained that he might not have enough money to buy it.

 I love his face when he found his book. It cost $11 and he had $11.50. This was one very elated boy. He told me, "I really wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow. That's a WHOLE DAY of missing my book!"

 It pleases me to no end that my kids choose to spend their money on books. When I have money, I buy books. IF there's any money left, it might go to buying clothes and food. 

Motherhood

These are a few of my favorite things about motherhood:

I love how Daniel kisses my hand like I'm a princess.
I love the fact that Daniel learned it from watching Nathan kiss my hand so often.
I love the pictures drawn by our children.
I love feeling little chubby fingers play with my hair.
I love the Eskimo kisses I'm given when Daniel's face is too sticky for a kiss on the cheek.
Matthew often searches for the prettiest flowers to give me.
I love hearing our family cheer each time we do Family Home Evening.
I love snuggling with all the kids on my bed while we read books together.
When I drop Sarah and Matthew off at school, Sarah always waits and blows me a kiss before running off.
I love being told I'm beautiful by my little fan club, even on days when I haven't showered.
I love watching our kids learn and explore the world.
I love watching them get so excited at new discoveries with the microscope. It's so fun to see their reactions when they discover something unexpected. (Look at your belly button with a hand-held microscope. Weird!)
I love listening to them laugh.
I love listening to them sing. Sarah sings to herself when she cleans. It always touches my heart.
I love holding them in my arms. I love this SO much. I ponder sometimes on what it would be like to lose my arms, and this is what I would miss most. I love wrapping my arms around their warm  little bodies and holding them in my lap.
I love rocking them when they cry.
I love Matthew's enthusiasm for life. He's so excited about the 'little things'.
I love when my kids point out the beautiful wildflowers while we are driving. I appreciate being able to share the beauty of God's earth with them.
I adore tickling them, especially Daniel. He has such a great laugh. 
I love the intensity of my love for my little ones. They are so precious. I tell them every day about their divine heritage. I want them to truly understand that they are literally princes and a princess with endless potential. It's so important for them to know that in a world that is constantly telling people they're not good enough.
I love the energy they have, even when I often can't keep up with them.
I love the experience I've been blessed with of being a mother. It's blessed me so much to serve my family. I've grown spiritually so much in the years of being a mother. I know everyone complains about the work involved (I'm guilty as charged) but I see how it really has been a refining fire that has helped purge me of weaknesses. I'm looking forward to the next few decades of motherhood (yes, even including parenting the teen years) in joy and anticipation. I see how this life is God's way of helping us grow more perfect like Him. I am so very thankful for a gospel that reveres and honors the priceless role of women. It motivates me to be a wonderful mother and wife. I am so thankful for our little home, where we can feel peace from the world's woes and I am treated like a queen. 

Happy Mother's Day!

For an uplifting message on motherhood, click here.

Happy Notes

Happy Notes of my day-

I've loved watching a scissor-tail family of birds make a nest above our front door. There is a window above our door, so I can see them each time they swoop up to add something to their new home. When we stand outside the door, the birds hover and watch us to see what we'll do. I love their beauty and music. I really love having birds bless me every day!

Daniel and I stood near the front door and watched the myriads of butterflies eating breakfast in our giant bush. It's covered with white blooms right now, and each day our yard is full of butterflies of every color. I'm so thankful for the little beautiful creations God blessed our Earth with. It cheers me up so much! I love the smell as well. As soon as I walk out the door, a gentle wall of fragrance caresses my body.

It was fun to shuck corn at the grocery store with Daniel and see his consternation in trying to remove those tricky corn silk strands. He informed me they must be good fiber, so he decided he'd just eat them.

At the thrift store I found a sugar bowl and creamer that EXACTLY matches my silver tea set at home.What are the odds of that? I bought them. Now I can replace my flawed creamer with the broken handle.

At the checkout counter, the cashier was telling me about her grandson in the hospital. I shared some advice I learned in my Nursing classes. She appreciated the advice and gave me half of my items for free.

I read a blog this afternoon that really motivated me to be a better mother/wife. I want to be a queen in my home, not a maid. I realize now that the difference between the two is largely in my own attitude. This epiphany moment changed my day.

After reading said blog, I discovered that one of my dear children had played with the kitchen sink spray nozzle while I was upstairs. There were large pools of water on literally every counter top. Water was in some cupboards and even in the pantry (which is on the other side of the room, and the door was even shut! How did THAT happen to get wet?) Even the ones across the room. In the pools of water were my camera, 2 phones, legal paperwork, and a book. Thankfully the words from the blog helped me see the positive side: the floor was covered in water, so I just had to scoot around on towels to simultaneously dry everything and mop. I needed to mop anyway.

The children had an early release day from school, so we played in the sprinklers on the trampoline all afternoon. I loved watching them squeal in delight. I was cleaning the house when they decided to dry off, and they used every towel in the house. Then the muddy dog ran over my newly-mopped floor, proving yet again my theory of physics. My theory is that clean floors attract spills or dirt similar to the way magnets attract. It happens every time. I'm thankful I was able to laugh about it. I'm usually too uptight for that to be funny.

I called my sweet husband and gushed my love, adoration, and respect for him for several minutes. I resolved to express my love more in my actions. So I made BBQ chicken, corn on the cob, and peach cobbler for dinner.

Morning Conversation

This morning Daniel drew something that looked like an amoeba with a stick . In eagerness he asked me to guess what it was. I didn't have the faintest idea of even where to begin guessing, so I asked for a clue. Giggling, he said, "It lives in the ocean...." I guessed a swordfish. A jellyfish with one tentacle. Laughing in anticipation he said, "Here's another clue, it's a little bit like a unicorn, but it's not a unicorn" Was he really talking about a narwhal? It seemed unlikely, but I guessed the narwhal, and he jumped in pleasure and said, "You're right! It's a narwhal! You're smart!" Where did he learn about narwhals?

Random thoughts- Take 2

- We alternate every year with doing a family adventure or doing a birthday party with friends. This year it's parties. Sarah is turning 7 next week and I'm busy planning her party. I have 4 test in 2 weeks, with her party at the end of this mental gauntlet. Am I stressed? Hmm...


- She wants to do a fairy party and she wants me to face paint everyone. Not a big request, except who will run things if I'm busy face painting for an hour?


- The school has a rule that you can't pass out invitations at school without inviting the whole class. Great, except they also won't give you addresses of students, since that violates privacy laws. Result? We've invited her entire class to come, in addition to her friends from church and home school. This could be a chaotic mess!


- I decided that I will NOT decorate a cake myself this year, since I don't have any spare time to do so. I also can't afford to buy a decorated cake from the bakery, so I decided to make cupcakes, frost them, and poke silk flowers on top of them. They'll be pretty and fast to make.


- I finally mopped my floor yesterday. The Halloween party last week was very fun, but the witch's brew was VERY sticky when it was spilled by tiny guests. I've been sticking to my kitchen floor for a week. Daniel helped things along by spilling a gallon of milk on the floor a couple days ago. I finally mopped it!


- The secret to not leaving a soapy residue when you mop is this: don't mop with any Lysol/cleaning agents other than white distilled vinegar. The vinegar is a GREAT disinfectant and it dries clean, without leaving anything behind. I pour a cup of vinegar into a gallon of hot water.


- In my microbiology class they tested 4 cleaning agents for effectiveness. White vinegar cleaned better than Lysol, Simple Green, and Clorox bleach. Evidently the vinegar kills mold spores in addition to the bacteria, so it's the best one to use. What's even better, it's very cheap! I've been using it to clean everything lately.


- The marketing doesn't lie for once: Melaleuca oil DOES kill bacteria very effectively. We tested that agent as well in a different study, and it worked GREAT. I have a bottle in my medicine cabinet that I use for ear infections. We put a couple drops into the ear canal. It saves a trip to the doctor.


- I started a new painting a couple weeks ago, but haven't had any time to work on it since then. My calendar is so full  that I don't think I'll get to work on it until after Christmas. That's sad. I wanted to hang it up before then.


- I miss our extended family. Grandparents live in New Hampshire and Idaho and Utah. Erg. We can only visit every-other year. I want my kids to have more memories with their grandparents. We are thinking about moving closer to them in 4-5 years. I'll be done with school and Nate will have plenty of work experience for transferring to a new job.


- There is one problem: Nathan's job. We can't move anywhere because we love his job so much. We've looked at the job market in other places, but they don't compare. Not a bit. Nate's job has very high job satisfaction, and the company is rated in Fortune 100's Best Companies To Work For....it's been listed for the past TEN YEARS. It's a very good place to work and he loves it. Anything else would be miserable in comparison. Erg.


- I really don't like the PTA. They send a strong message that "If you love your student and want them to succeed, you would be a member of the PTA" and "Statistics show that PTA members have more successful students because you're involved in their education". That makes me angry. Don't they see the irony? They want to take me away from my children so I can go to meetings...how does THAT make my children better?! I stay at home and read world history with them instead. Or we cook together or do an art project. I'm busy actually TEACHING my children, but they tell me I'm not an involved mother?UGH! I'm looking forward to returning to home school.


- Nathan had a converstaion with a co-worker recently about education. She was proud of the fact that her kids had an educational advantage because she reads to them 10 minutes at night after picking them up from daycare. What has happened to society? Since when does a measly 10 minutes of fairy tales give an educational advantage?! She was bragging about this to Nathan, while she was at work and her kids were in after-school daycare. He called to see what we were doing, and we had been reading about Ancient Egypt and the process of mummification together for an hour. Before that we had done art projects. Why does society 'look down' at stay-at-home moms as if we're lazy?


- When we read together, I refuse to read 'drivel and tripe'. Most children's books on the market these days fall under that category. So do most adult books. I like high-quality books that use advanced vocabulary and complex plot lines and note-worthy writing styles. I recently found a great book that lists summaries of hundreds of great books so I can peruse them quickly and find the really good books for us to read.

- Okay, enough with the ranting and raving. If you aren't too annoyed with me, we'll continue. Well, I'll continue either way and you can decide whether to read on or go read something better...


- A friend asked me this summer to illustrate her book. I really loved the invitation and I really wanted to do it! One of my life goals is to illustrate a children's book. Unfortunately, I had to say 'no' with all the time commitment already expected from my college classes. It's not the right season for me to work on a book, but I am excited for that season to come.


- I love cuddling with my kids or rocking them. I love to feel their warm little bodies snuggle into mine.  I LOVE to caress their soft cheeks and kids their soft hair. I tell them everyday that they are my most valuable treasure.


- I painted our front door today while Nathan took Sarah and Matthew to a Primary activity at church. Daniel was with me and he really wanted to help. I gave him a little brush and had him help me paint the trim around the garage door. I now have little black splotches on the red brick and the white garage door. He was very helpful. :)


- I boiled two pumpkins to make into pies for refreshments tomorrow. After mashing the pumpkin, I realized I would have to make the pie crusts. I HATE making pie crusts. It's such a mess and it's never easy, something always goes wrong. I put the pumpkin puree away in a Tupperware and I've put it off until tomorrow, when I'll probably panic and throw together something entirely different. I'll most likely turn the pumpkin into Pumpkin Curry Soup for tomorrow's dinner.


- Why do I make refreshments? Because I hope that good food will bribe people into coming over on Sunday nights to sing. We invite the ward to come over and sing hymns and chat and eat. There's never time to strengthen friendships at church (everyone is so busy), so we decided to do this as a way to fellowship others. Last time we had 3 people come. It's a small gathering, but it sure is nice to spend time with them. I enjoy it, and we love to sing anyway, so it's fun whether there's many people or not.


- We went through the trouble of getting a fog machine for Halloween, and we never even opened the box. We were too busy. Now I have to drive 30 minutes away to return the fog machine. Thanks anyway, Rex!


- I recently started my vaccine regimen that is mandatory before I get into the nursing program. At the clinic, the nurse said, "I'm SO sorry, but we're having a needle shortage, so the only needles left are the really big ones. I'm really sorry...don't look at it! Just turn your head and I'll be fast." Okay, not too bad. Then she said, "Alright, just sign here to verify that you received your Hep A shot." What? She gave me the wrong vaccine! After a quick flurry and embarrassed apologies, they came back with the right vaccine. Erg.