The day my life changed forever

Yesterday I aged 5 years in one day. 


Daniel was missing.

He didn't come when I rang the bell for dinner, which is unusual. I realized I hadn't seen him for a long time, so I began searching the house to discover where he might be curled up with a book or asleep under a pile of blankets. A cursory glance of the house didn't yield any results, so we all began searching deeper and calling for him loudly. I checked under every bed, under every couch, in every closet, inside the dryer, even in baskets of clean laundry to see if he burrowed under the clothing. There was nothing...but it was likely he was playing outside in a far corner of the property. I checked all the barns, sheds, and chicken coop and turned up no sign of him. I had been looking for him for almost an hour. This is when I began to feel worried.

Nervously I called my neighbor on the phone. "Did Daniel by chance come over to your house to play without my permission?"

She replied, "He tried to earlier but I asked him to go home and get permission first."

He had never came to me to ask permission. The conversation between Daniel and my neighbor had happend much earlier in the afternoon. That was the last time anyone had seen him.

Our property is completely fenced in, so Daniel would have to walk along the road for a long distance before he could reach our gate and enter the yard. It would be so easy for a passer-by to pause and kidnap him. Usually I go outside and watch my children walk along the road until they reach the safety of our gate, but this time I didn't know he was out there. He was gone. Every parent thinks this will never happen to them, but suddenly it was happening to me. My mind was racing with all the terrible possibilties and I began to tremble as I dialed 911. Darkness was falling rapidly, making it hard to search outside.

I continued to search the house, the garage, the vehicles, everything I could think of where he might be while I talked with the dispatcher. They dispatched 6 deputies out to our home, but it would take a long time for them to arrive. They also said a helicopter with infrared cameras was on its way to help search in the dark. The dispatcher told me I shouldn't have waited so long to call 911....the longer Dan was missing the farther away a kidnapper could get, reducing the chances of finding him. My neighbors searched their property with flashlights in case Daniel had stayed to play in the groves of trees. When they found nothing, they volunteered to begin driving along the country roads looking for him in case he wandered off and became lost.

Inside my house was utter chaos. Children were alternating between praying for help and searching in more hiding places for Daniel. Diego was hungry and crying for food, but there was no way on earth I could handle sitting still and feeding him, so I asked Sarah to feed him pinches of bread. We knelt for a quick (but very heartfelt) prayer begging the Lord to protect Daniel and help us find him.

I called our bishop, asking him to contact local ward members to come help in the search-and-rescue efforts. A calling tree began to notify friends that we needed help, but our friends are all scattered across the countryside so they wouldn't begin arriving for another 15 minutes. I also called my mother-in-law with this quick message, "Please pray for our family! Daniel's missing and the police are looking for him, he may have been kidnapped- we don't know. Just pray for him, we need all the prayers we can!" Left with that unnerving message, she began to call all our extended family to ask for immediate prayers for Daniel. I also called Nathan on his cell phone and told him what was going on. He wouldn't arrive home for another 30 minutes.It was a living nightmare to be dealing with this situation alone...without my other half, my strength, my dear husband.

I couldn't leave my house and help search for him because officers were calling me on the phone, asking his description so it could be posted to police departments across the state. Weeping quietly I took his photo out of a frame so they could use it in identifying him. I felt numb...my actions were strangely mechanical. Daniel had been missing for several hours. My heart was full of silent prayer the entire time, begging the Lord to watch over my son.

While I updated an officer, my sister called to chat. It went something like this: "Hi Renae! Is this a good time to talk?" I spoke quickly, "Actually no. I have to go, Daniel's missing and the police are here." What a great conversation, right? She began calling more extended family to update them.

This was all happening so quickly, but it seemed to take an eternity. In this moment, I learned a powerful lesson. I realized that I would happily trade anything for my son's safety: my possessions had absolutely no value compared to him. I didn't care if I had to sell everything (even our home) and live in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life. Family matters more than anything. It's strange how crystal-clear this thought was in my mind.

Another strange occurrence was the 'movie' playing in in my mind. People speak of seeing their life flash before their eyes. Oddly I was seeing Daniel's life flashing through my mind. His fistfuls of feathers, his love of animals, his cherished rock collection, his passion for music, his gusto for life.

I was talking with an officer outside when Sarah and Matthew came running out of our home shouting, "Daniel's here! We found him! We found Daniel!" Words can't possibly describe the relief and joy that washed over me. Maybe 'washed' is too gentle of a word. It's more like I was hit by a tidal wave of relief.

We ran inside and found him inside the tiniest cupboard on one of our bookcases. I never would have thought he could possibly fit more than half of his body in there. He evidently had crammed his body in this cubby and closed the door on himself, then fallen asleep. I believe the wood muffled our calls when we were looking for him.

I learned several things in this experience. Most importantly, I was given a powerful eternal perspective. My life seemed crystal clear, with all threads of doubt or indecision wiped away. I knew that God would lift me up if this burden was too heavy for me to bear alone. Event though my heart was breaking when I thought Daniel was stolen, I knew I could rely on our Savior's atonement to heal my pain. I realized that Christ doesn't only heal the affliction resulting from sin, He has power to heal any anguish from any infliction.

I realized on a deeper level how important my children are to me. The 'stuff' we own is all icing on the cake of life, but it's all worth absolutely nothing eternally.

I also was taught a powerful lesson of peace from my sweet husband. After he arrived home, he held me close and spoke soothingly. He pointed out that even if Daniel had been kidnapped and died, our family was sealed for eternity in God's holy temple. We know we would have been with Daniel again. It's amazing how much this comforted my heart.


God lives. He hears our prayers and knows our hearts. Surprisingly, I'm thankful for this harrowing experience. The Lord has taught me so much. Most of what I learned cannot be framed in words....it was a spiritual schooling.


Your family matters. Make sure you let them know.


Cherish every moment with your loved ones. You never know when your time with them will be gone.

Camping with a baby

I was hesitant to participate in our annual ward camp-out this year. I didn't want to be 'those' parents who were foolish and brought a baby who cried all night. Tent walls don't provide much of a sound barrier, and I couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for 50 sleep-deprived people.

Our kids love camping and look forward to this tradition of camping with friends. I intended to send Mr. Kingsley and our three older children happily on their way to the camp-out while I stayed home and enjoyed a quiet (albeit lonely) evening at home with Diego. Diego really doesn't like being without a rocking chair during the infamous 'witching hours'.

Nathan couldn't bear the thought of being apart from each other for a weekend. Characteristically, he had a clever solution to the potentially-cranky baby problem. He packed along my rocking chair and set it up in the pecan grove where we were camping. (Okay, I'll admit, we DID feel a bit self-conscious carrying the rocker to our tent {like the people who can't handle camping without the luxuries of home....we might as well bring along a refrigerator and DVD player!}....but as soon as I sat in it with my baby, I didn't care what people thought.) Doesn't this look fun?

Nathan ingeniously purchased several boxes of glowstick necklaces to bring along and share with all the children. He and I sat at a table and passed them out to any child who could recite a scripture or Article of Faith from memory (or sing a Primary song if they were too little to memorize scriptures). All the children were so ecstatic to have a glow necklace. Their faces were lit with anticipation as they waited in line.We felt like Santa and Mrs. Claus on Christmas Day. It was so fun watching the children all get so eager to recite scriptures!

Dozens of children danced and played night games with their glow sticks lighting the way. It looked like a party with all the bright colors swirling around in the dark.

After the potluck dinner, stories, and games,  I sat in our tent and rocked my baby while listening to coyotes calling in the woods behind me. It was a surprisingly relaxed evening for me. Cuddling with my soft, warm baby while enjoying the nature around me was a perfect way to end the day.

Everyone slept quite well (even Diego) and we enjoyed playing all morning with friends before I ran away for a face painting gig.

I love the friendships we have been blessed with in our new congregation. Life is so wonderful! It was a delightful weekend to create family memories. I feel so very blessed.

10 Things You Might Like to Know

1- Living with dial-up internet is frustrating. There's not much else offered in our neck of the woods (unless we want to pay $500 to install satellite internet, but it's not a much faster connection than dial-up, so why bother?). It takes literally 2 minutes to load anything I click on. If the webpage has a picture, my computer will take around 5 minutes to load the page. If there's multiple pictures, it's best to forget about that webpage altogether. Facebook doesn't really work here.

2- Matthew loves to play 'chicken' with our rooster, Pavarroti (by the way, I found out this rooster really IS Italian! Minorca birds come from an island off the coast of Italy. Cool, eh what?). Matthew will crouch down and crow at Pavarotti, who will then crow back. They'll have a vocal battle of sorts, crowing back and forth louder and louder until the rooster can't stand it anymore. He'll makes his feathers stand on end and charge right at Matthew, who laughs and runs away squealing. Last week Matthew ran shrieking past my bedroom window. Along the bottom edge of my window all I could see of the rooster was a bright red comb streaking by. Good times.

3- Yesterday the boys discovered that if they sit on the tire swing the rooster can't reach them. It's hilarious to watch the rooster dance around the swing trying futilely to peck the boys. The boys tease Pavarroti almost everyday now.

4- I finished another painting last night. There's good news and bad news. Good news: It's a study of Renoir's techniques and I discovered I love dry-brushing the canvas. More good news: I think it's the best painting I've ever done to date. Bad news: it's going to be given away this Christmas. It'll be hard to see it go. Sarah begged me to keep this one and give away an earlier painting....but I think it's better to give away my best work to the people I love rather than a second-rate item.

5- I LOVE this time of year with all the holidays. I play Christmas music every day and Sarah plays the MoTab Christmas Album everyday in her room. The house feels so delightful with the strains of music praising our Savior filling our walls. I love it.

6- Sarah's birthday is this weekend. It's on a magical day: 11-11-2011. We are having her friends come over for a Glittery Girls' Night. We're doing manicures, make-overs, and applying glitter liberally on everything. We're making jewelry for the party favors. She wants trifle for her birthday cake and we're doing a tea party. I can't believe my baby girl is growing so fast! I miss holding her in my arms and cuddling with her soft cheeks.

7- I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet.....usually I'm FINISHED with our Christmas shopping before summer even starts. This year the pregnancy and our move kind of threw off my groove. Surprisingly I don't feel stressed at all in this regard.

8- We try really hard to have a modest yet meaningful gift exchange and keep the focus of Christmas on our Savior, not on 'stuff'. This year we adopted a poem to guide our gift giving to our children: Something they WANT, something they NEED, something to WEAR, and something to READ. Four gifts and a stocking of treats and trinkets. Sounds good to me.

9- Our children are already asking if we're doing a Bethlehem dinner again this year. Every other year we do a biblical dinner by candlelight (flat breads, baked fish with rice, dates and raisins, savory yogurt dishes, cheese and olives, etc.) While we eat, I tell the Christmas story in a way that invites the children to imagine the story better. Just imagine Joseph's burden of responsibility as he searches for shelter, or imagine Mary having contractions during the long journey. We usually do this on Christmas Eve for a reverent way to end the night.

10- Yesterday Matthew volunteered to help Daniel unload the dishwasher. They danced and sang while they worked. It was so cute. I'm so happy to glimpse these fleeting moments of their childhood.